another week in Cancer Land, another blog post. monday began week four of radiation, and i am happy to be past the halfway mark. my skin is getting tight in some spots, making the daily radiation position kind of a chore. i go through a range of stretches every morning at home, pre-treatment, to loosen things up. it is a slow day for some reason; the radiation tech doesn't come to retrieve me until the time when i am usually done. i know i'm in for a wait when i walk into the dressing room area, and the woman before me is still waiting. i change, come back out, and try to make a little small talk, though she doesn't seem super interested. i learn she is in week two out of four of radiation treatments, and then she is whisked away by a radiation tech. eventually, it's my turn, and then it's my weekly meeting with dr. d. we have a brief check-in via ipad, then she comes in to examine me. i update her: much redness, but no pain, no itching, and also some weirdly dark skin in my armpit. she inspects the dark skin and says she expects me to have some dry peeling there. awesome, that sounds fun.

later in the afternoon, it is back out for physical therapy. arm bike, pulley stretches, then into the exam room for my manual lymphatic drainage treatment. with the arm sleeve and gauntlet i ordered, the swelling doesn't seem to have gotten any better, but it doesn't seem to have gotten any worse, either. i discuss getting a glove, instead of just a fingerless gauntlet. i recently discovered that compression garments are covered by my insurance, but i can't just be reimbursed; i have to jump through a couple of (easy) hoops. after this appointment, i arrange to get a prescription (hoop #1) from dr. h, so that i can order a backup set of garments through a medical supplier (hoop #2) located at the cancer center.

tuesday is a quick in-and-out radiation. in the afternoon, i have a slightly confusing interaction over the phone trying to order my compression garments. i get the feeling that they mostly deal in wigs and prosthetics, and lymphedema sleeves are not a super commonly ordered item here. i hope that i will receive my items? the correct ones? sometime?

wednesday is another small talk waiting room day in radiation oncology, which makes my day slightly more time crunched. i finish, head west, pick up the lunch i pre-ordered, drive to physical therapy, scarf down my pulled pork lunch, head in to physical therapy. arm bike, pulley stretches, new resistance band for bicep curls, then into the exam room for more lymphatic drainage. we discuss the state of my arm, mainly that it doesn't hurt quite as much, though that may be a positive side effect of the compression sleeve. there are definitely still some cords in there, though they seem to have loosened up somewhat. the plan is to re-measure my arm on monday, and if the swelling seems to be better or steady, we will go back to trying to loosen up my arm again. then back to lymphatic drainage on wednesday to get me through to the next monday. i am on board.

thursday: radiation. later in the evening, i notice that my fingers and knuckles are quite swollen, which freaks me right out. i switch from the fingerless gauntlet to the glove borrowed from physical therapy, which helps by the time bedtime rolls around, but i am still freaked out. WAITING IMPATIENTLY FOR MY GLOVE TO ARRIVE.

the administrative assistant in the radiation department is a diehard cleveland browns fan. as a result, the dressing room is a curious mix of biblical imagery, cancer pamphlets, and browns decorations. on friday, i decide to show camaraderie, and put on my finest browns color rush jersey. when i walk in, i am greeted by someone i have never seen before. "wha.. gail isn't here today?" "no, she took the day off today." SAD TROMBONE. the ONE day during my treatments when she isn't here. alas. radiation goes smoothly, and week four is in the books. later that evening, we pick up some pho for takeout, play a board game, and watch an episode of "the great" (a highly anachronistic and occasionally accurate, but so far entertaining series, loosely based on peter and catherine, emperor and empress of 1700's russia).

after rolling out of bed after 10am on saturday, there is some breakfast, some chilling out on the couch, and eventually some lunch. the afternoon is spent cleaning up the garage and tossing out random stuff from the previous owner (note: it is almost two years exactly since we purchased this fine abode). napping happens, then it is time for a shower. i note that some peeling is starting to happen in my underarm area, though it isn't what i would classify as dry (as dr. d mentioned). maybe it is considered dry in medical parlance? whatever it is, it is an incredibly unpleasant feeling, both physically and mentally. two more weeks of radiation isn't going to help. we will see what dr. d recommends on monday. i try to keep my left arm from pressing directly against my armpit/side while sleeping, which as you can imagine, is sort of weird, and not easily done.

sunday morning we church it up with central city whilst each doing our now-tradition of stretching and exercises. after this, i church it up with central athens whilst putting photos into an album. then it is lunch and napping while andy takes a walk. the nap is partly for tiredness and partly for just not wanting to do a damn thing. the peeling in my armpit area is gross and it hurts, and getting an infection certainly won't help my lymphedema issues/fears. every time i take my glove or gauntlet off and bemoan my lack of visible tendons and knuckles, or note the presence of general soreness when i use my hand, i catastrophize and imagine a future where i can't play guitar or bass or do simple home improvement projects without pain, and have a stupid looking swollen hand and limb, and honestly, it's pretty distressing. i realize the swelling is likely temporary from radiation. but? it might not be. mostly i've just been having a sad little pity party for myself this weekend. as i have mentioned in the past, i don't do pain well, and as it turns out, the thought of dealing with long-term health issues isn't really my bag, either. but welcome to cancer. long after chemo is done and ports are out and surgery is over and the radiation burns fade away, it will always be there, lurking: physically or mentally, in one way or another.

i'll get over this funk and out of radiation soon enough. (i think after 38 weeks of this slog, i'm allowed a funk or two). but right now i'm more than a little grumpy, and unsure of what is in store for my body during the next few weeks. i'm not happy about swelling and pain. but i'm here, and i have an andy, and i have people, and we have jobs, and we have insurance, and we have a kickass little house, and we have all these things and more. i'm not looking forward to you, Week 39. but let's do this.