i have voiced my disdain for rhyming sympathy cards in the past. i was reminded of this today.

 

what is wrong with people? i am certain i actually said this out loud on my search for sympathy cards today; i physically threw my hands up in disgust at a number of them. it all just seems so inappropriate to me. big loopy scripts, pictures of flowers or oceans, overly verbose text, bad theology... and the overarching feeling of helplessness tied to buying such cards in the first place. it feels like trying too hard, yet not enough. i was discontented with the cards, with the situation, with the brokenness of humanity. just a quick browse through the sympathy card section of your local drugstore will, if nothing else, tell you this: we do not know how to grieve well. most cards seem like an afterthought of production -- they are awkward and fumbling, and they say both too little and too much. no one really wants to think about death and its finality, and this is reflected in our sincere but clumsy attempts for closure. which sounds a lot like our own efforts, cards or no.

 

it's an odd thing. in the span of five days i have heard about the deaths of four people... the father of an old high school friend; my friend's client; my boss' sister; my friend's boss's brother. my friend's father is the only one i have met of this list. none of these people have really impacted my life. but their passing affects others, who do impact my life in one way or another. what do we do with this part of our social family tree, this Immediate Grief, Once [or Twice] Removed?

 

i feel like i am familiar grief, but in reality, i have no idea. the only funeral i could ever have been considered involved in was for my father's grandmother; i barely knew her. my mother's mother died several years ago; i knew her even less. brief interactions by a five-year-old for a few weeks overseas do not a relationship make. all other funerals i have attended have been on behalf of others. now, i would be more than happy to continue life in this way. but the reality of the situation is that someday, grief of my own will come. what then? i have no idea.

 

it was not meant to be this way, i don't think. but here it is just the same.

 

i don't have any answers. just don't ever buy me a rhyming sympathy card.