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so i'm standing in line at walmart [which by the way... why do they have upwards of thirty registers yet only open two??], minding my own business. i decide to pass the time by listening to and deleting old cell phone messages. leaning forward on my cart, i'm on the second of fourteen [!] when i start feeling edgy. i look to my right and am startled to find that the girl behind me is uncomfortably close, reading a tabloid. do you really need to stand at the front of your cart right now? we've got at least a ten minute wait at this point. go read about alien babies at the other end of your cart!, i plead telepathically. i inch forward, hoping that it is imperceptible to Tabloid Girl, but no. she inches forward further and, presumably, is listening to rachel's christmas message right along with me. i keep looking back to ensure that Oblivious Girl is indeed awkwardly close, to make certain that she is not going through my purse, and to hope there is an off chance that she will recognize that i would prefer her a little farther than five inches away. i make eye contact with the girl in front of me, briefly hoping to find someone that sees and understands my current pain. but she is busy with her parents and her [their] purchase of exercise equipment with ridiculously flexible models on its packaging. i continue to check on Cart Girl, Tourette's-like, as i continue to delete messages, speculating whether she can hear them or not. i finally give up, busying myself with unloading my cart. i'm just starting when the register beside us opens for business; Close Girl darts over like a moth to light.

i feel like i need to wash.

Posted on Tuesday, January 4, 2005 at 08:39PM by Registered Commentermdog | Comments6 Comments

Reader Comments (6)

that's quite a collection of demeaning names you have there! very entertaining (and yet frightening) post.

try riding the metro to work every day.
Jan 4, 2005 at 09:27PM | Unregistered Commenterrachel
i can only imagine.

i eagerly await a Metro Girl b109 entry...
Jan 4, 2005 at 09:42PM | Registered Commentermdog
Mdog, I must say I have really enjoyed your last three entries. :)

As for the most recent, I'm becoming more intolerant with people like that. Maybe it's because I see people like that all the time and they've never been told how to act. Etiquette. My friends know that I do things in public that make people wonder. I guess if I was in your position, I would have conducted a fake cell phone call and said things in the "conversation" that would have made the Weekly World News Girl walk away with a quickness. I don't know... I feed off of and get giddy about the "they'll never see me again" situation. :)
Jan 4, 2005 at 11:02PM | Unregistered CommenterSteve
i almost called rachel to share, "so there's this girl behind me..."

except i probably would see her again. it's a small town.
Jan 5, 2005 at 08:31AM | Registered Commentermdog
actually, I *did* have an incident this morning, although I seemed to be the antagonist.

so it's super-crowded on the red line, business people and briefcases packed in so tight people couldn't actually physically get on the train. I had worked my way close to the far door (score!), the train was about to leave a station and I feel this girl's elbow in my side, pretty hard, accompanied by a resolute "excuse me." I turned around to see this girl around my age, dressed nicely and surrounded by a special little bubble of space, avoiding eye contact while defending her territory. We weren't even in contact -- apparently the several inches between us was too little in this crowded bus for her personal taste. Despite the fact that in the rest of the carriage people were basically on top of one another. Weird.

Jan 5, 2005 at 12:45PM | Unregistered Commenterrachel
girl, you're making me laughing funny!
i love the way you wrote that.. i just see it totally!!
Jan 8, 2005 at 06:19PM | Unregistered Commenterlana

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