so i'm standing in line at walmart [which by the way... why do they have upwards of thirty registers yet only open two??], minding my own business. i decide to pass the time by listening to and deleting old cell phone messages. leaning forward on my cart, i'm on the second of fourteen [!] when i start feeling edgy. i look to my right and am startled to find that the girl behind me is uncomfortably close, reading a tabloid. do you really need to stand at the front of your cart right now? we've got at least a ten minute wait at this point. go read about alien babies at the other end of your cart!, i plead telepathically. i inch forward, hoping that it is imperceptible to Tabloid Girl, but no. she inches forward further and, presumably, is listening to rachel's christmas message right along with me. i keep looking back to ensure that Oblivious Girl is indeed awkwardly close, to make certain that she is not going through my purse, and to hope there is an off chance that she will recognize that i would prefer her a little farther than five inches away. i make eye contact with the girl in front of me, briefly hoping to find someone that sees and understands my current pain. but she is busy with her parents and her [their] purchase of exercise equipment with ridiculously flexible models on its packaging. i continue to check on Cart Girl, Tourette's-like, as i continue to delete messages, speculating whether she can hear them or not. i finally give up, busying myself with unloading my cart. i'm just starting when the register beside us opens for business; Close Girl darts over like a moth to light.

i feel like i need to wash.