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do you ever have days where it seems like you're just sort of floating along, present but unnoticed, solid but invisible, feeling a little out of sorts with the world at large?
yeah, me neither.
small example: i wore my glasses today. i mean, i wear my glasses every day, at some point; otherwise i would stumble into furniture and walls just trying to make my way to the kitchen for breakfast. [for you contact lens wearers, i'm a -6.00]. but today i wore them, like, out. i can't remember the last time i did this. since i usually wear contacts, most people don't even know i need them. it's not that i don't like my glasses [i actually like them quite a bit]. it's just a pain because then i can't wear sunglasses while driving; or if it's raining, i'm forever wiping them off; or if it's hot, they're continually sliding down my nose. at any rate, it's a rare occasion, and i guess i just felt like something different today. too bad nobody noticed. or at least said anything. maybe they're actually hideous and no one wanted to mention them. who knows.
some days i question whether God is paying attention to me. is he even watching? listening? why isn't he answering? some days i want to shake my fist at the sky, demanding response. some days i actually do. and then some days, apathy overtakes any passion, any motivation, any indignance that might propel me into motion: why bother? no one is noticing, anyway. and then i remember things like this and reread them and think, man, have i still got a long way to go. one of these days i'll get the hang of this, i suppose. until then, i guess i'll stumble along in grace.
Posted on Sunday, November 12, 2006 at 06:51PM by Registered Commentermdog | Comments11 Comments

Reader Comments (11)

There are very few people in this world I respect more than you.

I have seen you in glasses... I guess maybe I didn't "notice"... as to me it didn't seem that strange. (Actually, I did notice... but again, it didn't seem different to me.) But I think that is more of a woman thing than a guy thing... in that most guys don't notice slight shifts (wearing glasses).

I did notice that you were letting your hair grow out for a while... but do you say something? It wasn't a statement of improvement, just change. I notice when you dress up and sometimes have commented on that. But the guy/girl thing (let alone the pastor/parishioner thing!) keeps most people from making comments about looks for fear that they are not perceived right. (Although, I think you and I have gotten over that.)

Your last paragraph is profound and painful. I have no easy answers other than to say that Laura and I are so privileged to call you our friend... and we want to be a part of your life that "notices" you. (Can God notice you through others?)

"stumbling along in grace" ... wow. What an image. What truth.
Nov 12, 2006 at 10:08PM | Unregistered Commenterpaul
I was reading part of Isaiah yesterday and Israel is asking if God forgot them, and God's word through the prophet was... does a mother forget the child at her breast?

Nov 13, 2006 at 08:41AM | Unregistered Commenterrachel
paul - i don't think we've ever needed to "get over" anything. :) as far as the guy/girl comments not being perceived right, it would at least be sort of nice to even have that problem. this post is kind of a broader view of a recent email. and i'm very thankful for you and laura.

rachel - if only He was so tangible... it would be easier for occasional thomases like me...
Nov 14, 2006 at 01:02PM | Registered Commentermdog
"rachel - if only He was so tangible..."

Okay, not to be too harsh... but I sense you are equating God's faithfulness to one area of your life. Do I mis-read?
Nov 14, 2006 at 01:58PM | Unregistered Commenterpaul
i think these things occasionally about pretty much every area of my life... i'm an equal opportunity doubter. today, this just happens to be the area.

i know that God is faithful. and i think you know that i know that. it's simply impossible to look back upon my life and not see his hand all over it. this post is not meant to be theology... it's just where i am right now. which is currently a place of wondering and frustration.
Nov 14, 2006 at 02:09PM | Registered Commentermdog
I'm with you mdog. We all go through this wondering and frustration at various points during our journey...isn't that the point of journeying? I don't mean to over-simplify, but sometimes we want things to be deeper than they really are.
Nov 14, 2006 at 02:56PM | Unregistered Commentercd
good cd
Nov 14, 2006 at 03:48PM | Unregistered Commenterpaul
I love that your pastor patrols your blog. I mean that in a positive way.
Nov 14, 2006 at 05:14PM | Unregistered Commenterrachel
Mdog in glasses! I missed the wrong Sunday! Wear them again on Wednesday night, pleaseeeeee. [...] Stumbling along might not really be negative...any relationship, if being truly honest with oneself, has times of stumbling along, frustration, fist shaking and saying things under one's breath. Unfortunately most people want to paint their realtionships as rosy pictures of perfection or they just want to complain. Your honesty is refreshing. We should hang out and talk [...]
Nov 14, 2006 at 09:48PM | Unregistered CommenterCarrie
I think many people wander through their days without paying attention. But if I may be so bold, I don't think that God does. For Christians who have a personal relationship with their God, he is there whether you always feel him or not. It must be a comfort to know that.
Nov 15, 2006 at 11:33AM | Unregistered CommenterTB
how does it feel to know God speaks through atheists? how does that even work? ;)
Nov 15, 2006 at 01:13PM | Registered Commentermdog

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