i write checks. i write checks for bills. i write checks for bills in my inbox. i write checks for bills in my inbox as they appear. i write checks for bills in my inbox as they appear, oftentimes past their due dates. i write checks for bills in my inbox as they appear, oftentimes past their due dates, which is clearly not my fault.

don't blame me for your department's phone service being disconnected, since i paid the bill three days after you finally got it to my office, which itself was TWENTY-SEVEN DAYS after the due date. i mean come on, people. i can't pay bills i don't have.

compassion is not my strong suit in these lapses of logic.