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yesterday i picked up a few things at the store. you know how sometimes you keep running into the same people as you wind your way through the aisles? yeah. that happened to me, with a slightly clueless couple. you know, the kind that sort of leave the cart in the middle of everything, while they meander around from shelf to shelf like a pinball? yeah. so they were kind of annoying, but whatever.

i lost track of them until i finally reached the checkout line. yup. you guessed it. not only were they still a little clueless, but some sort of barcode or produce problem was in full swing. seriously, there were like three kroger employees all huddled around the register, and they were calling for more backup. i mean, come on already. it's just a melon.

i'm slightly impatient at this point but still doing okay. Clueless Guy decides/realizes that he's forgotten something and takes advantage of this break in the action to run off and find it. i assume it's something important. bread? eggs? pbr?

there are now about five people trying to find the cure for cancer in lane six when Clueless Guy comes running -- literally, RUNNING -- and fights his way back through the steadily growing line with his bounty.

a twelve-pack of trojans.

impatience is at this point a suddenly long-forgotten matter. i was now just trying to contain my laughter, but i couldn't decide what was funnier: the indoor mini-dash, or the fact that this was all happening in front of about thirty-two people. i caught the cashier's eye and i'm pretty sure we had the same thought.

at least they're trying to contain any future idiot spawn.

Posted on Wednesday, May 31, 2006 at 01:44PM by Registered Commentermdog | Comments11 Comments

Reader Comments (11)

hilARious. truly. and thank god.
May 31, 2006 at 02:21PM | Unregistered Commenteramo
I love that story. LOVE IT!

I used to work at grocery store and it was Valentine's Day. The woman in my line was buying chocolate, a bottle of wine, condoms and a pregnancy test. I always wondered what kind of night she thought she was going to have! :)
May 31, 2006 at 02:48PM | Unregistered Commenterchurchie
eat the chocolate while waiting for the pregnancy test. then drink the wine in relief of negative results and break out the condoms to avoid any future situations. really!
not that i've ever had this experience.
those are both pretty humorous stories. :)
May 31, 2006 at 04:07PM | Unregistered Commentermar
ps--i love the juxtaposition of "unleashed" and barbed wire in your banner. interesting . . .
May 31, 2006 at 04:14PM | Unregistered Commenteramo
....and the condoms were an afterthought????
May 31, 2006 at 06:26PM | Unregistered Commenterhappyhearn
there is something just inherently funny about the word, "spawn."

I've been married for 13 years... I still would hate to buy condominiums. It is just a commitment. You have to choose if you will sublease or rent them... and then to buy 12 of them... just the time spent with the bank and the headaches...hard to believe an investment that big would be an afterthought.
May 31, 2006 at 10:45PM | Unregistered Commenterblogging paul
OK. First of all, I hate, HATE, people in the grocery store. All of them must die. I frequently save my grocery shopping for late at night (like 11:00--thank you, insomnia!) so that I will run into as few fellow shoppers as possible. Seriously hateful. Especially those new carts that are designed to look like cars and the kids ride down in the front. They take up an entire aisle.

Second of all, I was once at Walgreens and this 50-something guy in front of me was buying condoms. Of course, they needed a price check. He was obviously wanting to crawl under a rock and die as he stood there for a good minute or two waiting for a price check...as 20-something me and the probably also 20-something cashier surveyed his purchase. Once he left, we both announced that we were thinking that he shouldn't have been embarrassed. Good for him! Still getting some action after all these years :)

Third of all, spawn is one of my new favorite words. It's one of those awesome words that fills multiple parts of speech. You can use it as a verb or as a noun. I was recently asking a friend of mine about some mutual friends (well, former friends of mine, still friends of hers) and I said, "So, are they planning to spawn?" (they're married). She says, "Well, I wouldn't have chosen that word..."

This completes your weekly dose of random connections.
Jun 1, 2006 at 10:17AM | Unregistered Commentermeegs
is it just me... or is this post and many of the comments a little bit mean-spirited?
Jun 1, 2006 at 04:20PM | Unregistered Commenterrachel
i just think it's hilarious.
Jun 1, 2006 at 04:29PM | Registered Commentermdog
i agree - hilarious.
Jun 1, 2006 at 04:47PM | Unregistered CommenterJoy
For the record, mine was not mean-spirited.

Now if you WANT, it can be...
Jun 1, 2006 at 11:11PM | Unregistered Commenterblogging paul

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