dear middle-aged guy behind me in line at the store:

please do not PHYSICALLY TOUCH AND SHIFT my to-be-purchased items just so that you may study my evidently sooooo mysterious choice of beverage [you live in this hippie town and don't know what organic milk is?]. if you were trying to strike up a conversation, being SUPER CREEPY is not the way to do it and will, in fact, prompt me to run away. and write about you online.

regards,
mdog

okay, this has been making me laugh since yesterday.

i don't know what's wrong with me.

[explanation here if needed.] 

i am SICK TO EFFING DEATH of the mac cult. do whatever the hell you want; i don't really care. just stop trying to convert me. because [and you don't realize this] it makes you look like an asshole. seriously.

this is not a funny post. don't mistake it for one. comment wisely if at all.