a message board that i frequent -- one that i have frequented for almost three years now -- may be defunct. like, soon. anytime now. with possibly no warning. who knows? i am currently scouring my private messages there for contact information and other notable nuggets of conversation.

 

i am continually amazed at how words affect me, particularly in written form. don't get me wrong, i'm always up for the giving and/or receiving of well-timed verbal encouragement, or a simple "i love you". but there's something about the time and the effort put into a thoughtful note, well-written card, or meaningful email/message/comment/post/etc [pick your favorite method of online communication] that gets me. of course, i'll be the first to admit i tend to speak my mind best [or perhaps just easiest...?] by writing, so i suppose that only makes sense. but i think even more affecting than all these reasons, for me, is the permanence of such communication. being able to see, to read, to savor such things, makes it easier to retain in my mental rolodex, as well as my heart's chambers.

 

i'll be out of town this weekend, and for all i know, the beboard could be gone by the time i return. so, i've been printing out all sorts of messages for the past hour or so... hilarious, thoughtful, informational, encouraging... even a song inspired partly by, of all people, me.

 

so. i'm more than a little sad that it's come to this. the board certainly hasn't been as active as it was in its glory days, but -- and it's strange to say it -- this message board has actually been rather instrumental in my life. joy's nickname for me was rediscovered, and took on a life of its own. i found my comfort zones in terms of What To Let Random People On The Internet Know [And Not Know] About Me. i learned from, and took part in, many miscellaneous theological debates/discussions/wonderings. i found a community of believers who shared my faith... and who shared in my burden when that faith was shaken and my world felt so very, very dark. it was during this difficult time that i truly learned how to express my feelings in writing, and was surprised to discover how cathartic it became for me. it was during this difficult time that i truly learned how important many of these people were to me. i have met -- and this also sounds strange to say -- seventeen[?] people, in real life, from this community [several in canada, no less!]. many from this community jumped onto the blog-wagon far earlier than i, and encouraged me to think about starting my own [although rachel ultimately garners parental claim/responsibility for this blog you see here].

 

it's hard to imagine that one day i might scroll to my beboard bookmark and be greeted with a "Page could not be displayed" error. i think it will be then, and only then, when i realize how powerful all of the words that have been typed upon those pages have been, and how powerful all of the people behind those words have been in my life. how powerful community really is.