hello all. it's been awhile since i blogged for real. but it appears that my life-changing upheavals are settling down... thank God.

yesterday, a good friend asked me how i was, specifically, ASIDE from work. because that's basically all i've been talking about for the past month or so. actually, i'm amazed people are still talking to me at all. do you KNOW how boring it is to hear about office problems and accounting procedures for a solid month? WELL, DO YOU?

anyway, my initial reaction to the question was 'hell, i don't know'. i feel like i've just been trying to keep my head above water for quite awhile now... physically, mentally, spiritually. which, of course, is better than completely drowning. but it gets pretty tiring, you know? add the fact that i don't swim, and it just enhances the metaphor. spiritually, i could certainly be doing better, and i told my friend as much. i also said that "i want to try and work on that. i mean... as much as i CAN work on that, anyway." ah, yes. how much of that is me? how much of that is God? placing all the responsibility on self is so overwhelming, the thought makes me quit before i begin. placing all the responsibility on God won't get me anywhere, either. as always... balance. balance is a good thing.

things are looking up, provided that i act upon some thoughts and feelings i'm currently having. as i briefly mentioned the other day, i restrung my guitar for the first time in what seems like, oh, FOREVER. it's amazing how old, crappy strings can make everything sound like crap, and you become so used to the craptasticness that you forget what bright, shiny new strings sound like [which is to say, NOT crap]. so, i've been playing more often, and have revived my desire to find and play new [or at least, different] worship songs... songs that are rich with passion, songs that are theologically grounded, songs that make me WANT to sing them. music, songs, lyrics... these are the things that, more often than any other aspect of our worship [generally speaking], make me feel more alive, more passionate, more attentive in my walk as a Christian. and so all of this, if i know myself [which i sometimes do], seems to be a good sign. [a disclaimer before you panic or raise any eyebrows: this isn't the basis of my spiritual condition, but merely an indicator.]

so. yeah. in case you wondered. that's what's up.

if anyone has any worship cd's that consist of more than inane, repetitive choruses [chorii?] and "me" songs, i certainly wouldn't pass up the opportunity to listen to them.