sometimes you're too hard on yourself. we all are.

I used to feel very much the same way you do, lady. Both about breaking plans/promises and being late. And I still do, for the most part. However...two things have mellowed me just a little. I have realized that I am late more often than I think I am. I also realized this: I often follow through on plans I'v emade even when I am dead tired, in a bad mood, stressed out, or whatever. I realized that, occassionally, breaking them for my own mental health and for the enjoyment of my "date", it makes sense to postpone. It's shitty to do it last minute to someone, and i get pretty pissed off when people do that to me. This is reallysad, but I have a couple of "friendds" that whever I make plans with them, I make casual "backup" plans if I am really feeling like going out that night or something. Like I'll contact a group of people and say I might stop by at their party later so if my flaky friend bails, I won't be too bitter because I have something else to do. I started doing this because what I realized is what actually makes me mad is me having nothing to do becuase someone else is valuing their schedule/needs over mine. I figured out that if I don't get stuck with nothing to do, it doesn't cause me stress. It's either that, or refuse to be friends wiht flaky people, which I have definitley considered. When someone really loves you, they are almost never flaky.

actually i don't think it's too hard at all. i just think it's right.

i find myself second-guessing all appointments and promises from others right now. and i think that's sad. shouldn't speaking truth be standard operating procedure for life? does anyone else care about what they say anymore?


btw rachel, i realize this entire entry flies in the face of what small advice i may have even attempted in our last phone conversation. i don't make sense sometimes. but you know that.

to me, late is different than cancelling. annoying, yes, but different. also, i don't usually care about having nothing to do; it really is the bailing out that pisses me off/causes me stress, whatever you want to call it.

sometimes people who really do love me can still be flaky. it's hard to deal with sometimes.

i love you woman, even if you do get tired and run down sometimes and occasionally forget things

um... okay. obviously using myself as an example has obscured my original intent of this entry, which is:

i get pissed when people make plans with me and then willfully back out of said plans.

this was the purpose of my entry. yes, i get pissed at myself when i break my word, but dude, whatever. really i was using this as a parallel example of how *i* feel when people break their word with *me*.

moral of the entry: say what you mean and mean what you say. matthew 5:37.

It sucks that people break plans. When it happens to me, which i usually get really, really upset about...I try to use it as an opportunity to give grace...and I realize how hard giving grace is...and that makes me grateful to God.