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math humor

going through the scary My Documents folder, i came across this file i found quite a while back. i believe it's from some sort of math forum message board at the university of missouri-rolla. this might be amusing only to me, but oh well.


Here is some simple logic for all of you...

When asking a woman if she is always right, a large majority would answer in the affirmative. From this, I base my argument.

Women are always right, and hence, when men go against them, they are wrong.

So we will set the value of women = right and men = wrong.

Next, everyone knows the vengeance deterrent of two wrongs don't make a right. Men = wrong, hence two men aren't right, and therefore wrong, which satisfies the original equation of men = wrong. Therefore two men should never be together because that would be wrong.

Now, women = right, two women together would be two rights, and two rights = double right. Now it stands to reason that oppositely two women together are right, and two men together are wrong.

With this line of thinking, it is easy to explain why men enjoy two women together, but two men, that's just plain silly.

This is my life's work.

Well I think we can all agree that women take time and Money;

Women = Time x Money

And any business person can tell you time is Money

Time = Money


Women = Money2

Now, it's clear that Money is the root of all evil

Money = sqrt(evil)

Money2 = evil

Therefore we can assume that

Women = Evil

I think it's clear

It scares me that all this is starting to make sense.

Well, if we are all posting these equations, then here is one I'm sure you all know.

Two Commonly Accepted equations

1. Knowledge is power, so Knowledge = Power
2. Time is money, so Time = Money

Now we define power. power is work divided by time, so

power = work/time.

Substituting using the first two equations you get

Knowledge = Work/Money

Solving for Money leaves you with

Money = Work/knowledge

Now. if you assume the amount of work remains constant, then as knowledge decreases to 0, Money increases toward infinity. Hence, the less you know the more money you make. Now ask yourself, what the heck am I doing at UMR?

^^^ fascinating ^^^

It's been called to my attention that many people in the Bible Belt drive around with a bumper sticker that looks like this:

Jesus + You = Love

Seems innocent enough. Gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling inside. But unfortunately, this statement gives us:

Jesus = Love - You

I'm not sure how to interpret this, but it would seem to imply that Jesus is universal love, except when it comes to you (me). This is not quite as heartening as the original equation would make it appear.

Furthermore, the Bible tells us that God is love. And unless you're a dirty heathen, Jesus is God.

God = love, Jesus = God, .: Jesus = love

Substituting in the original equation gives us:

Jesus + You = Jesus

Subtract Jesus from both sides:

You = 0

Accordingly, I am a worthless nothing. Thank you, motorist, for putting my life into perspective. Your uplifting display of faith has taught me that Jesus doesn't love me and I am of no value. Why must you taunt me so?

Best Post Ever.

You can also make up these same kind of arguments by following deductive reason. For example, the following starts off with a simple phrase that most people who believe in God will agree with, and that is God is love, so....

God = love

They say that love is blind, this implies that

love = blind

There are a good many people who are blind, but pick one at random, for example we'll use Ray Charles.

Ray Charles = blind

After substitution, you can now you can make the statement

Therefore Ray Charles is God.

Too many people that are in charge of what happens follow this kind of reasoning.

Well, ignoring that Jesus is God,

Jesus + You = God
God - Jesus = You

So you are the difference between God and Jesus. Whether this is scary or makes sense, I don't know.

Wouldn't that make sense though? Jesus was both God and man, so by Substitution.

God - Jesus = You
Jesus = (God + Man)
God - (God + Man) = You

-Man = You

Apparently that means you are a negative man. I guess that means we obviously didn't turn out the way He hoped we would. Either that or you are a girl.


who knew that math could be so philosophical? 

Posted on Monday, January 9, 2006 at 09:28PM by Registered Commentermdog | Comments6 Comments

Reader Comments (6)

I'm going to go take some asprin now. My head is spinning.
Jan 10, 2006 at 09:02AM | Unregistered Commenterjared
You should have posted a warning above that! I was laughing so hard my coworkers asked me what was so funny (I think the equations lost some humor in my retelling....).

But they were hilarious. I had to stop reading them because I couldn't control my laughter. If only I still taught logic....cause I know what examples I'd use in class tomorrow!
Jan 10, 2006 at 11:56AM | Unregistered CommenterJennifer Walters
i'm confused... must be because I'm a man
Jan 10, 2006 at 12:23PM | Unregistered Commenterpaul
i thought it was 'love of money is the root of evil'?

very amusing.
Jan 10, 2006 at 02:47PM | Unregistered Commentermar
I actually managed to follow that logic all the way to the very end. But now, my head hurts.
Jan 10, 2006 at 04:41PM | Unregistered CommenterTB
Have you ever heard the idea that if/when we make contact with aliens, we will use math as a communication tool since math is the universal language? May I suggest that we do not use these equations in that situation? Might confuse and scare away the little green men.
Jan 10, 2006 at 10:41PM | Unregistered Commenterrachel mcH

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