no touchy
it was around this time last year when i wrote about me being, or wanting to be, touchy-feely, and all that crap. while i'm feeling far less weird about initiating both verbal and physical affection [as those whom i have accosted will surely tell you], this of course still doesn't magically change everyone around me [you know, the way i expect they should!].
i started thinking about this particularly as i was perusing the "advice" from my easier post. for the most part, i kept thinking, this is not what i need from you! which, of course, begs the question... well... what DO i need?
the answer is not difficult. i don't need to know what you did, or what you tried, or what you think i should do. i don't need pat answers, i don't need empty promises, i don't need suggestions that you already KNOW i will reject. i mean, ultimately... what does everyone really need from their people?
just show me a little love, is all i'm saying. i've never even read that five love languages book, but i'm pretty certain touch and affirmation would be off the charts. i need good people in my life who tell me how much they love and appreciate me, and remind me of all things i forget in moments of despair. and for the most part i have people who do this, and understand. however, it seems many [though not all] of my closest friends here aren't exactly overwhelmed by the need for physical touch. sometimes i just want more than a perfunctory hug, and for the life of me i can't figure out how i'm in a place where that should be so difficult to find. just hang on and wait a few seconds, it's not so bad, really...
i'm not really sure when i became this person who likes intitiating hugs and words of love and general displays of affection, because trust me, i wasn't this way growing up. but i'm more than happy to have moved in this direction. now i just need to figure out a way to be content in a sea of reservedness...
mdog
7 Comments
Reader Comments (7)
I wish the me from 3 years ago could have read your blog as it is now, mdog. Because posts like this would have really, really resonated with me.
I've always thought that physical affection is the trickiest love language to have as a single person, especially if (like me) you aren't an extrovert or have lots of close family and friends nearby who are also affectionate.
Both of those posts hit a little too close to make a substantive comment, so I'll just link to something related instead: enjoy.
HAAAAA. that link, it is wonderful.
wow, never been taught to hug before. I thought I was doing okay... but maybe not!
Once I was working for a large non profit that made you attend these "wellness seminars". Halfway through the meeting that had about 20 attendees, they asked whp was married (about half) in a relationship (the othe half) and single (me.) The speaker then proceeded to basically talk just to me and tell me how I could get my "touch needs" met, and his suggestions included getting a massage, getting a haircut, touching myself intimately, and getting a cat. Arghghghghggh!!! He was really well meaning and not creepy so I didn't file sexual harrassment charges, but I probably should have filed "absolute and total mortification" charges.
Sorry for the earlier suggestions, Mdog. Some of us just have a natural tendency to try to "problem solve" instead of what we should do which is just be supportive and listen.
A cat is not a bad option. You can talk to it too. Maybe I should start renting out mine.
When I was married the first time around, things got pretty bad for the last two years - the ones when my ex was cheating on me and I didn't know about it. Anyway, I got to be so starved for human touch that I started getting regular massages. It helped a lot.
Not giving assvice, just letting you know that I know exactly how it feels to just want someone to hug or cuddle with or hold hands.