is tired of being single.

this is far too amazing and surreal to not share.

Microsoft Songsmith Remixes

be thankful, my other option was posting bacon-related links.

[mmm, bacon.]

"i'll buy anything that's shiny and made by apple."

sitting at the columbus airport, suddenly bumped to a direct flight to boston. three cheers for not sitting in cincinnati for three hours!

hanging with rachel and ali to ring in the new year [and new apartment].

happiest of new years if i don't talk to you before then.

b and i were singing "rudolph the red-nosed reindeer" in the car the other day. unbeknownst to either of us, people sing DIFFERENT VERSIONS OF THIS SONG. i had no idea.

so, i'm taking a survey! how did you fill in the parentheses when you sang this as a kid?

rudolph the red-nosed reindeer (reindeer!)
had a very shiny nose (like a lightbulb!)
and if you ever saw it (saw it!)
you would even say it glows (like a lightbulb!)

all of the other reindeer (reindeer!)
used to laugh and call him names (like dumbo!)
they never let poor rudolph (rudolph!)
join in any reindeer games (like football!)

then one foggy christmas eve
santa came to say (ho ho ho!)
"rudolph, with your nose so bright,
won't you guide my sleigh tonight?"

then all the reindeer loved him (loved him!)
as they shouted out with glee (yippee!)
rudolph the red-nosed reindeer (reindeer!)
you'll go down in history (like the indians*!)


*that would be the cleveland indians, lest anyone get all politically correct on me.

but i need precise directives!

sjw: Next time I go to purchase a planner/calendar,
  I will invite you.
  I'm evidently VERY entertaining.
me: my lord. what happened??
sjw: i don't know!
  there were just...
  so many choices!
  my agonizing over the type of calendar
  compounded with
  colors!
  finish!
  accessories!
  i guess it was rather humorous.
  i don't think i said anything particularly funny
  i guess the "i have needs and want a planner that will satisfy
  ALL of them"
  might have been worth a laugh.
me: maybe i need to buy a planner...
sjw: okay. now that i have my planner
  i feel complete.
  ready to work.
  actually the thing is ugly as hell
me: complete. HA
sjw: but as long as it is useful i don't mind.
me: this all just gets funnier, you realize this right?

Maybe that part of you dies. The part that was deeper than work and laundry and oil changes; the part that felt like there was something more, and that it was right there, just out of reach. Maybe it dies a little every time another soul subtly begs you to show it to them, and, fearing rejection, you suppress it. Tell a lie. Make small talk...

[via fightingforalostcause]

okay, honestly. the more political flyers you send me THE LESS I WANT TO VOTE FOR YOU. they all go straight into the trash. i don't even look at them. i sort of wish i had saved all of them so that i could be empirically disgusted while chucking them all on november 5th.

i was in a spelling bee tonight. in a bar. i did not win. if only i had chosen to take french fifteen years ago.