as the universe conspires against me.

so, i missed a band practice last thursday. the last practice before the sunday concert. oh well, just show up at the appointed time of the concert, right? wrong. the concert got moved FIVE HOURS EARLIER and left me as some random idiot walking around campus with a trumpet case. there is another concert this coming thursday. i will be out of town on unemployment vacation 2005, so i thought i should show up to tonight's practice, see some folks, turn in my music folder.

the main entrance is in the front of the band room. and you know unequivocally when you are late before you even walk through the door, because you can see through the window that everyone has their eyes up front on the director. and there is nothing quite like walking into a room of a hundred plus musicians KNOWING you are late and looking like a complete idiot. apparently i missed another memo at the concert, the memo being that practice was starting a gazillion hours early tonight. so i was there for, oh, fifteen or twenty minutes of practice. i'm an idiot.

just chalk it up to the week from hell.

i knew that this job would damn near drain my soul away if i stayed; but i never thought the process of leaving would do the same. note to self: never, for the rest of my life, will i ever take or let myself be put into a position where i am the only financial employee at a company. additional note to self: this place is fucking crazy. it's been a learning experience for sure.

last week, i had run out of hairspray. [have you seen my hair? yeah, i use hairspray.] i resorted to using the little travel size hairspray bottle i usually take on trips, waiting it out until i needed to make a walmart run. i finally made it there on friday. standing in Ye Olde Aisle of Hair Product, i found that my regular pantene hairspray had been updated with a "NEW Fragrance!" i'm not big on change [note: see previous post], heck i'm not really big on fragrance. it's hairspray. this hairspray has never had a special fragrance for as long as i have used it. can't it just smell like hairspray? but i figured, hey, whatever. can't be that bad. grab it and go.

saturday is the first and last day this product touches my hair EVER. yes, it has a new fragrance and THAT FRAGRANCE IS CALLED: VILE. i want my old fragrance back: the one called NORMAL HAIRSPRAY SMELL YOU MORONS. the travel size hairspray bottle came back out. today after work VILE was returned. UNSCENTED was purchased. this is a lie; i have not yet put my finger upon it, but the scent is definitely not "un". more like... some sort of sterilized glue or adhesive. perhaps surprisingly, given this far from positive description, this is highly preferable to VILE.

after this walmart run came a haircut. given the length of my hair, a shower is immediately in order following a haircut because the aftermath results in several hundred thousand quarter-inch freshly cut hair bits EVERYWHERE: face, neck, inner ear canal, pancreas. after watching ken jennings NOT win jeopardy's ultimate tournament of champions [!], i was getting itchy and definitely needed that shower. i realized that i had run out of my regular shampoo that morning, and i grabbed the next bottle of pantene 2 in 1 classic clean from the closet. and suddenly noticed that my shampoo -- which, like my hairspray, has never had a special fragrance for as long as i have used it -- now has "NEW Amino Proteins!" in it. okay, well, amino proteins. those don't sound smelly, do they? OH MY GOD. by the time it hit me, it was too late. the damage had been done. olfactory carnage in full effect. can you guess what this new shampoo smelled like? CAN YOU GUESS?? if your answer is VILE, HORRIFYINGLY VILE you are correct and most likely laughing at my misfortune and overreaction. i am left wondering: does the new hairspray have new-yet-unadvertised amino proteins as well? why does the new shampoo have a new-yet-unadvertised fragrance? and WHAT THE HELL ARE AMINO PROTEINS AND WHY DO I WANT THEM IN MY HAIR?

my big draw on these two particular products -- for about ten years, i might add -- has been twofold. one: they are simply very good products. two: they smelled CLEAN. nothing fancy; nothing strong. just CLEAN. if i want a floofy fragrance, i will buy something advertised as such. raspberry shower gel? sure. peach handsoap? no problem. at least with those i know what i'm buying, not some unfathomable abomination of unexplainable "fragrance".

someone in proctor & gamble's research and development needs to be fired. in less than a week, my previously highly satisfying hair products vanished from the universe, and have subsequently been updated with crap.

BRING BACK MY ORIGINAL FORMULAS.

i am a creature of habit. every morning: snooze. [snooze, snooze]. crawl out of cocoon. find glasses. turn on computer. stumble to kitchen. grab bowl. find cereal. pour milk. find glass. pour orange juice. stumble to computer. first multitask of the morning: eat breakfast WHILE on computer [amazing]. back to kitchen. rinse dishes. visit bathroom. flush toilet. get ready for showe--

wait. what's that noise? like... gurgling. why isn't the bowl filling up? hmmm. maybe... no. it couldn't be. try the sink. nothing's coming out. shower faucet. same thing. uh oh. approximate time: 8:35am. crap. peek out the window. hmmm. i'm guessing those LOUD HEAVY MACHINES and THIRTY-TWO PEOPLE out in the nearby field have something to do with my missing water. begin hatred for the large machines and numerous people. crap. crap. crap.

now what? my hair looks like something out of a scary movie and the only available water is the eighth-inch puddle in my brita pitcher. call friends nearby. no answer. crap. call friend in town. answer. yesss. can i come over and use your shower? what, no, seriously. I HAVE NO WATER. excellent. call work. i'll be late. no water pressure. showering at a friend's. what? YES i'm just now taking a shower, BACK OFF WOMAN. throw all necessities in backpack. race into town. jump in shower. jump out of shower. towel, contacts, hair, deodorant, teeth. twenty minutes? fifteen? yesss.

so much for routine.

has anyone used mapquest lately? or, to be more specific, has anyone printed out directions from mapquest lately?


WHEN DID THEY START USING SUCH

LARGE PRINT FOR DIRECTIONS?


i could read these with my contacts out.





nah.

thanks, everyone, for your birthday wishes. at this point the ages don't bring anything exciting... so i appreciate more than ever well-timed phone calls, emails, cards, and now with the advent of unleashed: posts!

i've rearranged my living room and i even bought curtains. i feel so grown-up. although, being grown-up also involves ironing a heck of a lot of curtain material. eh.

i missed a concert today. as in, um, a concert i was supposed to BE in. [note: think symphonic band. not rock star band.] this is what i get for skipping practice for two weeks. hey, i was just following the syllabus. whatever. i'm not even a student! stupid syllabus.

this week is my last week of work at the old job. i am dreading this week even more than the week that the auditors were on-site. and possibly more than any week. ever. i was all set to finish lists and directions and information regarding the processes and minutae of my job: a desk reference, if you will. this, my friends, is how i prefer to relay such detailed information. plus, it would give my company less reason to call me on a whim to ask crazy questions [and, oh, THEY WILL, ANYWAY. they have no boundaries. everyone is obligated to helping the organization out for THE REST OF THEIR LIVES, right?]. as it turns out, someone interested in temporarily filling the position will be here. all. week. long. and i shall have to train them. and still get work done. and clean out my office. and not go crazy. no last week slacking for mdog... sigh.

i'll recap my last couple of weeks or so: tired, grumpy and irritable, eating out a lot, on the verge of a new job, odd sleeping patterns, in a weird mood [non-mood?] lately. depressed a little? hmmm. maybe. however: i am convinced that once the old job is behind me and the new one begins, all will be well. apparently i'm learning how my body reacts to stress involved with Big Life Changes. if you'd like to pray that 1) my sanity remains intact and 2) my stress level decreases as the week progresses, that would be fantastic. um, just be sure not to transpose 1) and 2). thanks.