3.5% increase was approved. boss in a decent mood. day looks to be beautiful. 5pm starts VACATION TO NEW ENGLAND WITH KT!!

 

happy friday! 

i was in bed. couldn't sleep. so now i'm [stupidly] blogging, stream of consciousness style. all the events and extrapolations swirling through my mind were more conducive to emotional release than to slumber, apparently. living in a small college town can really mess with your priorities. everyone and their brother has a graduate degree, and if you don't have one, then you're constantly being asked if you've thought about getting yours? yeah i think about it every freaking time someone ASKS me and that's about it. i don't want one, i don't really care, and i have to keep reminding myself that no, it is not an aberration for someone to have a bachelor's degree, and most populated areas do not actually have ninety-eight ph.d.s per square mile. here's the thing: i just want to work. i don't really need what i do for a living to be a world-changing thing, which is good because really? there's never going to be anything groundbreaking happening in the world of accounting. maybe that's lazy, but i think it's just realistic. i love when i tell people i'm an accountant and they're all, nooooo... you don't SEEM like an accountant! i take it as a compliment. because obviously, if you know me, you know i'm TOTALLY like an accountant. but i guess i'm not immediately boring, it seems. i know full well that i don't find my identity in accountancy. i want to do a good job, but that's about it. because for me, work is not life. life is people. and i fully admit that about twice a week i say to myself, or maybe the inside of my car, I HATE PEOPLE, but that's only when they're driving down west union at twelve miles an hour. but it is the people part of my life that i want to be a world-changing thing. i don't give a damn about what i do from eight-to-five in the big scheme of things; moreover, i LIKE not giving a damn about what i do from eight-to-five in the big scheme of things. i can't care about EVERYTHING, you know. but... who did i have lunch with today? who calls me and reads to me from funny books to cheer me up? who can i call or chat with for advice or encouragement? these are the important things. these are the things that keep me alive. these are the things that change the world. i'm not a high-powered executive, my story isn't going to be read in forbes or fortune or even people magazine, my accounting prowess is not going to be looked upon with awe. i don't care about those things. do i have people i can call up at three in the morning? do i have people that will give me hugs if i need them? do i have people i can share my life with? do i have people that support me? encourage me? walk with me? this is how i want to be successful. and while i may want to quit my job every day for weeks at a time, i find comfort in knowing i have people who are willing to sit and listen to me complain about how i want to quit my job every day for weeks at a time. i may be overwhelmed with sheer inanity and lack of organizational structure and absence of validation at work, but i am overwhelmed with the people around me who care about me and love me and appreciate me and who are willing to actually tell me and remind me of these things. because i need to be told these things. perhaps want is a better word, but sometimes the want is so great that it does become a need. we are broken, vulnerable people and we need people around us who will help us heal and who will hold our hearts gently in their hands. this is where my life's focus rests. not with work, but with people. i am reminded today that i am surrounded by good people. this is my success.

okay, first of all: i am not OVERHEAD. just because i don't "do" anything to bring money into the organization does not mean you don't NEED me. none of you HAVE to be part of this organization, so if you want to open your own private practices and take care of your own financials, that's fine by me. but until then, I DO WORK FOR YOU and just because you don't SEE it on a daily basis, doesn't mean it's not HAPPENING. i can continue using this old gateway computer if you want, but you're too stupid to see how INEFFICIENT this is. spending a few hundred dollars on a new computer is not outrageous, especially if it's going to be split thirty ways and may i remind you that YOU ARE DOCTORS and i see your financials and this is absolutely ridiculous.

 

second of all: one shouldn't have to pull teeth to get a "raise" that i am sure will only equate to a cost of living increase. again, I AM NOT OVERHEAD. THERE IS SHIT I DO FOR YOU THAT YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT.

 

do i want a raise or a new computer? i think you're only kidding with that question but i can't be sure. the answer is do you want an employee that feels valued or do you want someone that is pissed off and looking at the help wanted ads all the damn time?

 

i am ready for my f'ing vacation.