it was around this time last year when i wrote about me being, or wanting to be, touchy-feely, and all that crap. while i'm feeling far less weird about initiating both verbal and physical affection [as those whom i have accosted will surely tell you], this of course still doesn't magically change everyone around me [you know, the way i expect they should!].

 

i started thinking about this particularly as i was perusing the "advice" from my easier post. for the most part, i kept thinking, this is not what i need from you! which, of course, begs the question... well... what DO i need?

 

the answer is not difficult. i don't need to know what you did, or what you tried, or what you think i should do. i don't need pat answers, i don't need empty promises, i don't need suggestions that you already KNOW i will reject. i mean, ultimately... what does everyone really need from their people?

 

just show me a little love, is all i'm saying. i've never even read that five love languages book, but i'm pretty certain touch and affirmation would be off the charts. i need good people in my life who tell me how much they love and appreciate me, and remind me of all things i forget in moments of despair. and for the most part i have people who do this, and understand. however, it seems many [though not all] of my closest friends here aren't exactly overwhelmed by the need for physical touch. sometimes i just want more than a perfunctory hug, and for the life of me i can't figure out how i'm in a place where that should be so difficult to find. just hang on and wait a few seconds, it's not so bad, really...

 

i'm not really sure when i became this person who likes intitiating hugs and words of love and general displays of affection, because trust me, i wasn't this way growing up. but i'm more than happy to have moved in this direction. now i just need to figure out a way to be content in a sea of reservedness...