so i wrote this post over a month ago? my poor little blog. neglected. sigh. i am certain i've lost the attention of much of my reading public at this point. for those of you still reading, welcome to a follow-up post. and, um, to the month of june. hi.

i had started this post a couple of weeks ago and it was all about definitions of the words friends and friendship that i found online and it was all clever and stuff. except that it wasn't. which may be why i never returned to finish, and it languished in the "unpublished" category for two weeks.

 

the problem with this topic is that i have so much to say about it, i quickly become overwhelmed and paralyzed and don't even know where to begin.

 

 

 

 

see, it took me three whole minutes to start this sentence after the last one. seriously WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.

 

 

brevity is not my strong suit when talking about this subject, and since i have something in particular in mind to talk about in a bit, i will just say a few things in general on it. one can live without a spouse, without sex, without children, without a family; but without individuals, without relationships, without truly good friends, without people that know you deeply and still choose to hang out with you anyway? a life without those connections is no life at all. and this isn't even really coming from bitter single people... the majority of married people that i know find themselves yearning for such friendships. one person cannot complete another... we are far more multi-faceted than a ninety minute romantic comedy can make you believe.

 

so this whole thing started with me posting about trust several weeks ago. now i've started in on friendship. i could come up with a great segue but really? do i need one? you can't really have one without the other.

 

my observation as of late has to do with the web of people who have been weaved into my life. see, ever since i have lived here, i have always had at least one or two people who, truly, i can speak of as friends. you know the kind. or maybe you don't. i have no idea. but i hope you know. anyway, the thing which strikes me is the mutual intensity in these friendships; as in, if something big happens, i KNOW i will be first or second on that call list, and vice versa. i mean, i suppose this isn't abnormal. but it certainly feels like it sometimes... like, why have i been given this chance to engage in something so amazing and so much bigger than myself? why have i been given the opportunity to know these particular people [who are so very different from one another!], and know them so deeply? why do i always worry if the time comes for them to move away, and worry that i will lose them, and worry that i will not find others in the future, ignoring the continual provisions from my past and present?

 

the deeper, more worrying questions: if i am so trustworthy and respected... if i am so well loved and accepted... if i am so capable of expressing affection and love...  then...

 

why?

 

 

if you've been around here long enough, you know exactly where this is going... to be continued.