i had lunch with a friend the other day, and she remarked once again how she likes that i am "real". i suppose i should have clarified to be sure she does not in fact have imaginary friends, but i'm pretty sure i know what she meant. and i take that remark as a high compliment. now, i may not always announce what i'm thinking -- my inner monologue is frighteningly active -- but if you ask me specifically, it's unlikely i'll pull any punches. aside from some quirks and idiosyncracies, what you see is pretty much what you get around here. although some people might get more than others...

a few weeks ago i had what could be described as an "accidental accountability" experience with a close friend. it was surreal; bizarre. one moment, we were sitting around watching television; the next, we were sharing vulnerabilities that very few others knew about ourselves. let me tell you: it doesn't get more authentic than that. maybe it was the smirnoff. more likely it was trust. sharing yourself with another person requires a great deal of it, and amazingly, it is returned to you a hundredfold.

brokenness is a humbling thing. 

"Our depressions, jealousies, narcissism, and failures are not at odds with the spiritual life. Indeed, they are essential to it. When tended, they prevent the spirit from zooming off into the ozone of perfectionism and spiritual pride."  -  Brennan Manning

i often wonder why it's such a struggle for us to be authentic. life isn't always shiny and happy, so why do we act the part? i mean, let's face it: we've all got problems. i think part of our struggle is that we've lost what it means to live in community. we are a collective of individuality. i don't need you; i can do it on my own. everything's fine. except we were created for interaction, for relationships. connectedness. to act like we've got it all together is to deny our own brokenness...

it is late for my brain. for real. my apologies for the lack of cohesion. 

someday soon i will post something with, like, actual paragraphs and paragraph breaks and substance. really.

kt on her standardized test scores: "i was very much always better at the verbal section."

jared on my white chili: "fun, but not annoying."

i'm thinking i have strange friends.

"you know, i think the [i-80/i-90] turnpike is really just like a giant swingset."

so this is the only thing i remember from whatever crazy dream i had last night. apparently this is something i observed at some point. i haven't the foggiest.

i write checks. i write checks for bills. i write checks for bills in my inbox. i write checks for bills in my inbox as they appear. i write checks for bills in my inbox as they appear, oftentimes past their due dates. i write checks for bills in my inbox as they appear, oftentimes past their due dates, which is clearly not my fault.

don't blame me for your department's phone service being disconnected, since i paid the bill three days after you finally got it to my office, which itself was TWENTY-SEVEN DAYS after the due date. i mean come on, people. i can't pay bills i don't have.

compassion is not my strong suit in these lapses of logic.

starving from married to the sea.

for more entertainment, see also: toothpaste for dinner

don't worry, i won't be doing that for the whole week.

i think i'm having one of those phases where i find work to be a big waste of time. paperwork piling up, projects sitting half-finished [or half-UNfinished, i suppose, depending upon your outlook], problems to be fixed... and i look around at all these things and all i can think is, "ehhhh."

i get into these funks sometimes, though i've never pinpointed why. i like what i do, although as i mentioned to a friend this week, it's not exactly something i live to do in my free time. accounting isn't exactly "fun," but it's certainly not as bad as it may sound. what i definitely DON'T like is all the extra crap that has nothing to do with accounting, but is somehow inextricably linked to my job. medical insurance and billing issues? nightmarish. it's no wonder insurance costs are soaring in this country. end brief rant.

my mini-vacation can't get here soon enough.