jumbled thoughts loosely based on the stereotypical discussion. it's late, so this could get scary.

first, i am irritated that i feel as though i really have to make a t-shirt that says "I'M STRAIGHT!" when doing things as mundane as shopping for home furnishings [no offense of course, kt. i would TOTALLY date you if i (we) were into that]. or even just talking about my friends, for that matter. i'm more of a "know a few people deeply" person as opposed to a "know a lot of people vaguely" person. and i am generally much closer with girls than guys. can you see where this is going? so, for instance, at my workplaces, i've sometimes felt a little uneasy, wondering if talking about weekends and events and movies spent mainly with girl friends and female roommates are throwing any red flags to my audience. i mean, i'm not married, and it's not like i've ever talked about any boyfriends, right? stupid sexualized society.

second, are people really so confused to see short hair on the female form? hello? apparently this only became normal in the last few years. all i know is that it only seems like the older folk [the people at the post office, especially. WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THE PEOPLE AT THE POST OFFICE??] get thrown off by the short hair. younger folk not so much [certain high schoolers excluded]. honestly... barely ever. 

two thoughts keep surfacing when i tread the short hair question: 1) wouldn't it just be easier to grow it out and not deal with the misperceptions?, and 2) HELL NO, I LOVE HAVING SHORT HAIR.

okay. so. short hair is a non-negotiable for the time being. which brings up two more thoughts: 1) does this scare / confuse / turn off the single guys?, and 2) HEY, IT'S THEIR LOSS.

yep, you guessed it, two more thoughts: 1) the right guy is going to  look past the outer appearances  be intrigued by  like me in spite of  love me because of who i am [and how that translates to my appearance], and 2) seriously, what am i, delusional? am i just kidding myself?

no one has yet to show interest -- uh, like, ever -- so at least i know it's not just the hair. not that that's totally comforting when i really step back and think about it. and, of course, some of you may be thinking well, you can show interest too, you know. i know times have changed since i was in high school, and it's pretty normal for gals to ask guys out now. but i don't think that will be happening here anytime soon: chalk it up to a little old-fashionedness and a life of unspoken rejection. quite frankly, my thoughts go somewhere along the lines of who the hell would want the ugly girl hitting on them? [how's that for a little 2am self-disclosure?] now, this is not a manipulative plea for compliments and assurance. i'm just being realistic here. by the standards of society-at-large: i. am. not. very. attractive. the occasional 'sir' at the post office [i'm really starting to hate that place] or grocery store serves only to confirm this. the thing is... i'm pretty okay with it. i like who i am and who i am becoming. and if there is indeed someone out there for ol' mdog, then none of this garbage is going to matter much. i will be seen for who i am, not what i look like.

that 'if', though... it can really bother me some days.

[okay. so. male bloggentators: is short hair on women intimidating? i realize this is a sweeping generalization. intentionally so.

feel free to bloggentate without answering the pop quiz. it will not be graded. i'm just curious.]

flashback: my good friend katie moved about an hour up the road a few months ago, and i paid her a visit on the first weekend after move-in. other than an inherited recliner and some crates, the living room was yet to be furnished. biting the bullet, she decided it was okay to start spending some income from that new job; and so, i found myself accompanying her on a coffee table trip to everyone's favorite all-purpose store: target.

katie's shopping method is frighteningly similar to my own: weigh all options and prices and pros and cons and all future possibilities in an agonizingly thorough manner. a few eras later, style and finish were chosen, and the helpful target woman assisted us in the remainder of the furniture excursion. after loading up katie's little neon with an end table and coffee table, we gave dana a parting thank you and drove off into the night. at the first stop sign, katie paused and gave me a sideways glance.

"so... i have a question for you." i looked at her as my mind reading skills took off. no. she is SO not going to ask me this! i stifled a laugh and said, "go for it. ask me what i think you're going to ask me." after another long pause, she said it. "so, do ya think she thought we were... together? you know... two twenty-something girls... buying furniture and all..." she had barely started the question and i was already screaming with laughter. after a little more humorous outrage and indignant amusement, we decided on a Hope For The Best, Expect The Worst Scenario: maybe she figured we were just friends, or roommates; but then, perhaps that peculiar look did indeed communicate her thoughts on our orientation/s. [for the record, we assembled the end table with our decidedly non-lesbian-selves before i had to head home for the evening.]

skip forward to this past weekend: after a little conference attendingization, i spent the remainder of the weekend with katie before heading on home. being the ever resourceful and productive women we are, it was decided i would make myself useful and assist with some interior design. Project Redecoration involved searching for picture frames, choosing photos, ordering prints, and hanging the whole mess on her naked walls. of course, at the first mention of "we should look for frames at target...", we exchanged a glance and actually sort of hoped we would see ol' dana there, just to keep the storyline going. no luck on saturday during the initial picture frame search, but not all hope was lost.

sunday afternoon found us in the final purchasing stages of Project Redecoration. the perfect modern frames were chosen, and it was on to the practicalities of picture hanging. katie pondered out loud as we confidently made our way through the store. "so, you realize what we're doing now, right?", as the home improvement section sign loomed ahead. we smiled, sighed, shook our heads and found the cutest little level for only $3.99. katie made her purchases and we stood in line, awaiting her digital prints and enlargements at the kiosk located near customer service. several employees were milling back and forth, forced to cut through the photo line. as one walked directly past us, my eyes went wide and i turned to look at katie.

"it was her!" i hissed. "what? who?" "coffee table lady!" her eyes went wide like my own, mouth tight in amused shock. we stood there, frozen, facing forward, not looking at each other for several seconds of eternity. finally, we glanced at each other, let out a collective breath, and began laughing like maniacs. katie said, "i wonder if she's thinking... 'aw, they're still together!'" and again we went with more of the smiling and the sighing and the head shaking.

we had spotted another perfect frame earlier at a different store, and off we went. a group of boys, around high school age, happened to be sitting just outside the entrance. as we walked in, katie asked in disbelief, "did you hear that?" "hear what? who?" "one of the teenagers." i looked at her and shook my head, but she refused to answer. finally, in the solitude of the frame section, she answered. "well... they pretty much verbalized what we figure the target lady was thinking." my mouth dropped open. "out loud?" i asked in amazement. the concreteness of this one was more disconcerting, and irritating, than any of our lighthearted guessing games. i mean, come on! we can hear you! sigh.

back at the apartment, positioning and penciling and precision commenced. two-thirds of Project Redecoration was complete, and katie was placing the last of the pictures in the final frame. i was playing with the level and had a particular idea; nanoseconds later, i caught her watching me as she said, "oh, i just had this bad thought." and again i went with the mind reading. no. she is SO not going to say this! i looked at her in disbelief and practically yelled, "what? WHAT? are you reading my mind again? tell me!" another long pause.

"we could each carry a level around, and hang a sign that says, 'I'M STRAIGHT!'"

i have some more serious thoughts on this ridiculous situation. for now, help spread the word for me:

SHORT HAIR ≠ LESBIAN.

GET WITH THE PROGRAM, PEOPLE. SERIOUSLY.

i think i'm going to go to bed at 9:30 EVERY STINKING NIGHT. i feel great.

been a little sick the last few days. funny how easy you take your health for granted, until your head feels like it's stuffed with cotton and your nose is dripping like a faucet. and you want to eat ALL THE TIME. OH MY WORD. i'm not much of a snacker, but when i get sick [non-stomach affecting type of sick] it apparently becomes my mission to ingest something every eight minutes or so.

off to get ready for work. maybe today, i won't feel like totally napping at 1:30. 

or are you just happy to see me?"

had a lovely evening with bloggingpaul and his wife, including but not limited to: being fed gobs of cool whip with a slice of pumpkin pie hidden somewhere underneath; discussions about friendship, crock pots, and frozen cheese [um... separate conversations, don't worry]; blogs, message boards, chat rooms, and relationships discovered therein; laser eye surgery and papillomas [they were HUGE, apparently]; and last but not least, a big frou-frou wedding album [and a not-so-frou-frou album as well].

good people, they are. i like them. 

okay. people. it's been... what? five days? FIVE DAYS. CALM THE HELL DOWN.

i don't do "busy" very well. granted, my "busy" is probably the next guy's "vacation." but this is how i choose to live my life. this is how i choose to retain my sanity. as it is, i am recovering from a "busy" week, some highly enjoyable visits from two very dear friends, and am currently in another "busy" week.

now let me non-blog in peace.

full. social. schedule.  sarah. visited. left.  heather. coming. soon.  me. working. now.

if you have a pc and you're not using mozilla firefox -- first of all -- WHY?? get up to speed, folks. seriously. second of all, it's been bothering me at work to have to use ie -- for OH SO MANY REASONS -- but currently because i can't see the background bars on each of my entry titles and sidebar headings.

so if you don't have firefox, isn't this a compelling reason to do so? just THINK of what you're missing every time you visit unleashed. it's like a whole new world, people.

okay, maybe not. but this was just bothering me today.

le sigh.

my heart is a little sad tonight. our erstwhile chick band is no more.

granted... we never really decided on a name [there were some GREAT options, though]. lost a member along the way. took a three[?] month hiatus. occasionally stopped in the middle of practice to ask, "so, are we REALLY doing this?"

on the upside, i've gotten to know three women i've always thought were pretty amazing. [and my suspicions have been confirmed]. i'm thankful for the friendships that will hopefully continue to build and grow, regardless of any past or future endeavors... perhaps just more often over dinner plates and coffee than amplifiers and microphones.

all that being said... anyone up for a rock 'n roll choir?