Prayer, to me, is sort of like yoga, on several levels. It's good for me and helps me, and to be quite honest, I say I do it way more than I actually do. When someone asks, "Do you do yoga?" I answer, "Absolutely. I love it. It totally makes me feel better."

What I mean, in the strictest sense, is that every week I intend to go to yoga three times and I occasionally make it to one class, and I have several pairs of yoga pants, and some yoga DVDs and flashcards, and every once in a while, if I'm really feeling bad, I do a few sun salutations before bed. So really, I'm yoga-ish.

Prayer, in my life, is similar. If you ask me about prayer, I have the books, the journals, a few transcendent experiences to report from the last decade, lots of good reasons why every person should do it, and not a ton of extremely current experiences rushing to mind. I believe in it, conceptually. I feel better when I do it. I believe my life would be better if I did it a lot, like yoga, but when it comes right down to it, I'm prayer-ish.

[from cold tangerines by shauna niequist]

so i am overhauling the setup of my desk and am swimming in scraps of papers with random quotes. i am dumping some of them here so that i can THROW THEM AWAY.


daniel: "science: the original wikipedia."

me: "is it worth being happy to have bad theology?"
kt: "probably."

kt: "well, between the two of us, we have a 7th grade science education."

tiff: "politicians have a clip art file of answers."

henri nouwen: "our life itself is the greatest gift to give ... we tend to forget that our real gift is not so much what we can do, but who we are. the real question is not 'what can we offer each other?' but 'who can we be for each other?' ... when i ask myself, 'who helps me most?' i must answer, 'the one who is willing to share his or her life with me.'"
 

the first few in this set were taken last fall. the rest were taken just a few days ago.

welcome to my hometown! 

-noun
1. reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety etc., of a person or thing; confidence

[via dictionary.com]

i've had this post banging around in my head for quite some time now. actually, i feel like this may be two or three posts, but i can't seem to extract them from one another.

i feel as though the concept of trust is a matter that has come up with several different people over the last little while. trust is an interesting term though. for example, on occasion people share some pretty personal stuff with me. and at the end of our conversations i tend to say something like, "thank you for trusting me." and invariably, the response is, "oh, i know you would never tell anyone!" i'll respond with something polite and benign and appropriate, but inwardly, i sigh and shake my head. because that's not what i really meant.

trust is far more than believing someone won't blab your secrets to the world at large, though of course that is certainly part of it. i didn't say, "thank you for trusting me to keep this private," or, "thank you for trusting me to not write this on my blog," i said... "thank you for trusting me." period. basically i am saying, "you believe that i will still believe in you and love you and respect you regardless of what you share with me." because, come on. this can be serious stuff. baring your soul to another can be intense, it can be scary, it can be emotional, it can be wonderful. sharing your secrets, your fears, your dreams, your bad habits, your real self... you don't do that with just anyone. i mean, i don't, anyway. are you kidding? it's risky as hell. what if i'm wrong? what if they reject me? what if they respond with a look of abject horror while fleeing the room and everything is ruined forever and i die all alone? what then? WHAT THEN, HMMMMM? no, no. this is something to be done with great forethought and deliberation.

so very incredibly unfinished... to be continued. 

that i really have no idea how to play guitar is evidenced here.

i am in awe.