mdog : u n l e a s h e d

hooked

132, 133, 141.
mmmmm, bowling.
it had to be the shoes.

if you ever want to bowl, just let me know and I AM THERE.

Posted on Tuesday, January 29, 2008 at 11:12PM by

mdog |

9 Comments

this whole thing should earn a far longer post, but quite frankly, i just can't even deal with the thought of that right now. suffice to say that i believe my car's gas gauge is broken. tonight's hero was beth, and for her multiple trips to the gas station, her witnessing of several streams of profanities, and a jeep that now reeks of gasoline, she earns a gazillion mini cheesecake thingies with blueberry topping. yeah, that's right. a gazillion.

finally made it home at 9pm, only to step out into snow deep enough to cover my ankles and did i mention i was still in my dress clothes? get inside, SLAM my keys down, THROW my bag across the apartment [all the way into the spare bedroom], and stand there being upset that i don't have ANYTHING ELSE TO THROW. i decide to put on my boots and shovel the front porch. controlled, useful throwing, i figure.

i sort of enjoy shoveling the front porch. a glorified term really. it's not even big. just slabs of concrete i share with the two neighbors in my triplex. they haven't been here long. i'm the only one with a shovel. i even have salt. i like shoveling the porch for all of us. if it was just for me i probably wouldn't even bother. i decide to shovel a little shovel-sized path from the porch to each of our cars. through the grass, mind you. it makes me smile.

my whopping seven minutes of shoveling is finished. it is cold out. it is clear. calm. i sit down on the freshly shoveled porch, dress clothes and wool coat and all, holding the shovel in front of me, leaning my head against it. i sit like this for awhile. quiet. i look up to the sky, and over the snow-covered... well, everything. the snow makes everything seem soft, gentle. i look back up at the sky. i realize that i am thankful. things could have been much, much worse. but they weren't. i am thankful. i sigh. i press my forehead against the shovel again and close my eyes. i'm suddenly on the verge of crying but basically just sort of decide not to. i sit for awhile longer. i contemplate making a snow angel. finally i get up. i throw some salt across the concrete and head inside.

i never did make a snow angel. but i'm okay with that. i'm okay.

Posted on Thursday, January 24, 2008 at 11:44PM by

mdog |

5 Comments

cover letter fantasy

Dear Impersonal Online Employment Application Website:

Your organization’s recent accounting position recently caught my attention. But let’s be honest, so does any financially related job opening located up to a twenty minute drive from my current residence, so, really. Don’t get too excited. Upon examining this position, I believe that I am clearly the most experienced, qualified, kick-ass candidate for this opening.

My work experiences and education show that I know what I am doing and that I can keep a steady job. I’m not really sure what else you want to know. Shall I repeat the listed job description by describing how well I have performed all of those tasks at my previous positions? Or perhaps you would like to know how quickly I will learn the new tasks that are ridiculously specific and that you will have to painstakingly train me to do? Maybe you want neither of these things, and are really looking for some impressive fact that will make me stand out from the rest of the job seeking crowd! I am always torn about what to write in these maddening letters. My soul cries out that we would both prefer for me to inject my witty personality into this letter. And yet, I am confident that this would only prove problematic. I am also confident that my previous job experience will provide excellent references for this position.

What you really need to know about all of the candidates for this position are characteristics unquantifiable during the interview process. It is not until after I have filled out my I-9 and W-4 that you will be able to see that I play well with others, I keep strict confidentiality, and I will not play office politics. I meet all deadlines, I do excellent work, but I will not be bullied into an excessive workload. I have an offbeat sense of humor, I will wear Skechers with my dress pants, and I believe that professional does not mean boring. Nor do I believe that boring means professional.

I would welcome the opportunity to be a part of your organization, and I look forward to meeting with you to discuss how awesome I am. Should you need any additional information, please feel free to contact me by email or by telephone. In the meantime, thank you for your consideration. I look forward to refreshing my inbox obsessively and checking my voicemail fanatically in anticipation of your reply.

Sincerely,

mdog

Posted on Monday, January 21, 2008 at 05:25PM by

mdog |

14 Comments

multitasking

one of my favorite moments of playing rock band this past weekend occured while i was intently playing bass, which was requiring all of my concentration even on medium... when mid-song i hear, "oh, i'm playing drums on rock band," and notice that kevin is nonchalantly carrying on a phone conversation.

Posted on Sunday, January 20, 2008 at 06:59PM by

mdog |

1 Comment

overdose

so i accidentally had a double quarter pounder with cheese today.

needed to get out for lunch but didn't necessarily feel social; no quick food in the house but had some mcd's gift certificates. the plan practically unfolded itself before me.

now, i don't go to mcdonald's very often at all. but when i AM having a craving, the quarter pounder meal is my poison of choice. [for the record, i remove the pickles myself before eating. it's just quicker that way. pickles. bleh]. long story short, i was charged as expected so i thought nothing of my order. it wasn't until i was about to take a bite that i realized her mistake. oh well, bonus hamburger patty, right? awesome!

nooooo. i'm feeling a little gross right now. especially after reading the bottom of the box. uggghhhhh.

Posted on Thursday, January 17, 2008 at 12:37PM by

mdog |

8 Comments

quotable

sjw: OMG. if one more person looks at me and says, "did you get your hair cut?" i'm going to go banana sandwich on their ass.

Posted on Monday, January 14, 2008 at 01:33PM by

mdog |

3 Comments

random post its

i have been cleaning out old computer files and found one labeled "random post its". i haven't the faintest idea when i created this. i can only assume i wrote these quotes on random scraps of paper, and they were cluttering my desk, and so i decided to type them into a text document. and now they're cluttering my hard drive, so i'm sharing them here with you so i can delete the file.

"imagine if there were no hypothetical situations." - john mendoza

"cats are smarter than dogs. you can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow." - jeff valdez

"football incorporates the two worst features of american life: violence punctuated by committee meetings." - george will

Posted on Sunday, January 13, 2008 at 05:52PM by

mdog |

3 Comments

i mean seriously.

i would really love it if the tech support undergrad responded to my phone calls regarding lack of ability to send outgoing email by something OTHER THAN EMAIL. WHAT KIND OF TECH SUPPORT ARE YOU.

Posted on Thursday, January 10, 2008 at 03:02PM by

mdog |

2 Comments

i <3 gmail

my two favorite lines today from gmail conversations and status:

b: there is no such thing as innocent, just dirty waiting to be exploited.

s: she needs an older woman. you don't know anything about making her happy!

it's a long story. somehow betsy and i managed to break up [?] on gmail, then she and serena proceeded to fight over me [also on gmail, natch]. it was a very entertaining afternoon.

Posted on Monday, January 7, 2008 at 06:42PM by

mdog |

3 Comments

kindof in love

with rock band. if i owned this, i would never leave the apartment.

i think i'm kidding... but i'm not sure.

thanks, serena and ty!

[squeeeee!!]

Posted on Saturday, January 5, 2008 at 01:01AM by

mdog |

6 Comments