132, 133, 141.
mmmmm, bowling.
it had to be the shoes.

Dear Impersonal Online Employment Application Website:

Your organization’s recent accounting position recently caught my attention. But let’s be honest, so does any financially related job opening located up to a twenty minute drive from my current residence, so, really. Don’t get too excited. Upon examining this position, I believe that I am clearly the most experienced, qualified, kick-ass candidate for this opening.

My work experiences and education show that I know what I am doing and that I can keep a steady job. I’m not really sure what else you want to know. Shall I repeat the listed job description by describing how well I have performed all of those tasks at my previous positions? Or perhaps you would like to know how quickly I will learn the new tasks that are ridiculously specific and that you will have to painstakingly train me to do? Maybe you want neither of these things, and are really looking for some impressive fact that will make me stand out from the rest of the job seeking crowd! I am always torn about what to write in these maddening letters. My soul cries out that we would both prefer for me to inject my witty personality into this letter. And yet, I am confident that this would only prove problematic. I am also confident that my previous job experience will provide excellent references for this position.

What you really need to know about all of the candidates for this position are characteristics unquantifiable during the interview process. It is not until after I have filled out my I-9 and W-4 that you will be able to see that I play well with others, I keep strict confidentiality, and I will not play office politics. I meet all deadlines, I do excellent work, but I will not be bullied into an excessive workload. I have an offbeat sense of humor, I will wear Skechers with my dress pants, and I believe that professional does not mean boring. Nor do I believe that boring means professional.

I would welcome the opportunity to be a part of your organization, and I look forward to meeting with you to discuss how awesome I am. Should you need any additional information, please feel free to contact me by email or by telephone. In the meantime, thank you for your consideration. I look forward to refreshing my inbox obsessively and checking my voicemail fanatically in anticipation of your reply.

Sincerely,

mdog

my two favorite lines today from gmail conversations and status:
 

b: there is no such thing as innocent, just dirty waiting to be exploited.

s: she needs an older woman. you don't know anything about making her happy!

it's a long story. somehow betsy and i managed to break up [?] on gmail, then she and serena proceeded to fight over me [also on gmail, natch]. it was a very entertaining afternoon.

with rock band. if i owned this, i would never leave the apartment.

i think i'm kidding... but i'm not sure.

thanks, serena and ty!

[squeeeee!!]