Can't Lose You  -  [from Long Line of Leavers - (2000)]

So you're gone but I know you're not so far away
You're a call on the phone or a ride on a plane
But that just isn't the same, yeah well

That's ok because I was never home anyway
So now everyone's evolving and I am just the same
As I was ten years ago, but I don't know
Maybe the simple life is more the way to go
Yeah but then again, I’m mostly all alone

'Cause I'm losing everyone
But I know I can't lose you
And maybe my time will come
But I know I can't lose you

The older I get well the more that life is making sense
And it's similar to traffic or being president
'Cause I’m not the one in control, you grab a hold
I'm just a hammer helping to nail the future down
But it's getting hard making my friends leave town

'Cause I'm losing everyone
But I know I can't lose you
And maybe my time will come
But I know I can't lose you

But maybe I missed the nose right on my face
For what's just past it
And maybe I have the gift that everyone speaks so highly of
Funny how nobody wants it

'Cause I'm losing everyone
But I know I can't lose you
And maybe my time will come
But I know I can't lose you

Words and music by Derek Webb. Copyright 2000 Niphon Music/ASCAP.

[wma sample here] 

so my rearview mirror is still sliding around on my backseat. i'm actually sort of getting used to relying on my side mirrors, and enjoying the unhindered view in front of me. the major downfall of this situation is not the inability of being able to see directly behind me, but the fact that i can't put up my sun shade visor thing.

you think i'm kidding.

i've been amazed at how much you can actually see using side mirrors. before, they were just sort of "extra" to me... almost useless, actually. now, it's the ONLY way i can see anything behind me. unless i end up with a motorcycle tailgating me, in which case they'd better pray i don't make any sudden stops.

even though i can still see behind me, it's a completely different perspective. i'm not entirely sure what's going on back there, as i can really only see edges and shapes and sides, with quick glances. it takes more effort to check two mirrors in your peripheral vision, than it is to check the one staring you in the face. and objects in mirror are indeed closer than they appear... apparently the reason i'm not getting as angry at the tailgaters as i was before is because they seem so far away.

the older i get, the more i find myself looking back on the events in my life in a different light. some things have become clearer, their purpose discovered. others have almost faded from memory, edges visible, but... fuzzy. unclear. still other experiences have found healing, though some are still in process, or maybe always in process. the road behind me is a rather interesting one... even if only to me.

every time i've gotten in my car for the past two or three weeks, i've marveled at the clarity of vision; the unclutteredness of the entire windshield. i suppose i'll get around to repairing the mirror soon. for now though, i'll just enjoy the view before me.