and now for something completely mindless... i've been a little goopy around here lately. i think i saw this at suebob's? maybe. forever ago.

+++

Band for a Lifetime: Choose a band/artist and answer ONLY in titles of their songs.  i choose... derek webb.

 
so i usually don't do these sorts of things, but this one was kind of fun. join in if you want, or not. it's all good. 

"No... I agree... [saying 'i love you'] doesn't need to be this big deal... but it is a big deal. But for me, as was for you, it was also a realization that my life was better with her, than without her.

But I wish friends would tell each other more that they love each other as well..."

- from paul, via b109 

i've posted on this topic somewhat before, here. i'm also reminded of a question posed once in a small group, which was something to the effect of "do you tell people 'i love you' often?" on a different occasion, the question of the night was "what's the craziest thing you've ever done for love?"

okay. two immediate reactions to that question: 1) i've done plenty of silly, crazy things for people i love, and 2) i know for certain that my own answers don't answer the question that's actually being asked. because, of course, the question implied romantic love, and that's what we really mean when we ask questions like that without qualifying the word love somehow, right? and so, i decided i should sit and remain awkwardly, obviously, silent. i thought about saying the hell with it, i'll give an example of a crazy thing i've done for a friend. prove a point, you know? except someone else did that and the response was immediately questioned: "so... are you saying you were in love with your friend...?" granted, there may have been some translation issues if i remember correctly, but still. nope. huh-uh. definitely staying quiet on this one.

perhaps i'm just jaded. cynical. as stated elsewhere, friendship is overlooked and underappreciated. i originally had the word "often" nestled in there, but decided it was more truthful without. a few weeks ago i was at the library, wandering through the fiction aisles. to be quite honest, i was just looking for a book about friendships; a book that didn't revolve around marriage or casual sex or dating or any other various and sundry topics that i had no experience with or patience for reading about at the moment. not surprisingly, it took me a damn long time to find one. and even then it still wasn't quite what i was going for.

"friendship is a thing most necessary to life, since without friends no one would choose to live, though possessed of all other advantages."  -  aristotle 

but let's face it: phileo always ends up taking a backseat to eros. more than a little frustrating to those lacking their share of eros... but so it is. and in my honest moments, i sometimes wonder if my life would be easier if i didn't care so much; if i just let people come and go, indifferent to befriending acquaintances, just watching them wandering in and out of my social sphere. of course i know the answer to that is... yes. but that kind of life would really suck, wouldn't it?

my answer to the first ice breaker question was: yes and no. i don't go around telling everyone, all the time, cheapening it to a level along the lines of 'i love ice cream'. but with those people i DO choose to tell... i tend to say it often. and even then, it's probably far less frequent than i would like.

it's not a big deal... but it is a big deal. well said. i stand with paul. 

Can't Lose You  -  [from Long Line of Leavers - (2000)]

So you're gone but I know you're not so far away
You're a call on the phone or a ride on a plane
But that just isn't the same, yeah well

That's ok because I was never home anyway
So now everyone's evolving and I am just the same
As I was ten years ago, but I don't know
Maybe the simple life is more the way to go
Yeah but then again, I’m mostly all alone

'Cause I'm losing everyone
But I know I can't lose you
And maybe my time will come
But I know I can't lose you

The older I get well the more that life is making sense
And it's similar to traffic or being president
'Cause I’m not the one in control, you grab a hold
I'm just a hammer helping to nail the future down
But it's getting hard making my friends leave town

'Cause I'm losing everyone
But I know I can't lose you
And maybe my time will come
But I know I can't lose you

But maybe I missed the nose right on my face
For what's just past it
And maybe I have the gift that everyone speaks so highly of
Funny how nobody wants it

'Cause I'm losing everyone
But I know I can't lose you
And maybe my time will come
But I know I can't lose you

Words and music by Derek Webb. Copyright 2000 Niphon Music/ASCAP.

[wma sample here] 

so my rearview mirror is still sliding around on my backseat. i'm actually sort of getting used to relying on my side mirrors, and enjoying the unhindered view in front of me. the major downfall of this situation is not the inability of being able to see directly behind me, but the fact that i can't put up my sun shade visor thing.

you think i'm kidding.

i've been amazed at how much you can actually see using side mirrors. before, they were just sort of "extra" to me... almost useless, actually. now, it's the ONLY way i can see anything behind me. unless i end up with a motorcycle tailgating me, in which case they'd better pray i don't make any sudden stops.

even though i can still see behind me, it's a completely different perspective. i'm not entirely sure what's going on back there, as i can really only see edges and shapes and sides, with quick glances. it takes more effort to check two mirrors in your peripheral vision, than it is to check the one staring you in the face. and objects in mirror are indeed closer than they appear... apparently the reason i'm not getting as angry at the tailgaters as i was before is because they seem so far away.

the older i get, the more i find myself looking back on the events in my life in a different light. some things have become clearer, their purpose discovered. others have almost faded from memory, edges visible, but... fuzzy. unclear. still other experiences have found healing, though some are still in process, or maybe always in process. the road behind me is a rather interesting one... even if only to me.

every time i've gotten in my car for the past two or three weeks, i've marveled at the clarity of vision; the unclutteredness of the entire windshield. i suppose i'll get around to repairing the mirror soon. for now though, i'll just enjoy the view before me.

for this day to get better.

"Jerome's roommates ... like all roommates (in the words of John D. McDonald) deprive him of solitude without providing him with companionship."

- Roger Ebert on Art School Confidential

movie also includes helpings of full frontal nudity. good lord.

and as a side note, it's SO fun to have a theater all to yourselves. fantastic.

creepy.

[bwahaha]

update: just bought the pocket guide to the bible: a little book about the big book by jason boyett. for how much, you might ask? yep. $6.66.

so awesome.

update 2: while i have been aware that today is my one year anniversary at this job, it is only just now that i realize its unfortunate numerical date. and after typing that sentence i realize that's because last year was '05, not '06.

am i talking? never mind.

update 3: is that gregory peck?